I stare at this screen, this room, this entire picture and I still can't find one part that is perfect. Nothing that I can say "Well hey, I have that going for me in the future!"

I have no best friend, I have no parents that I can go to and hug and say secrets to and see them laugh. I have no sibling that will have fun with me or even joke around and just...be there for me. I have nothing, nothing I can say I can keep in the future. I used to have a bestfriend but her and I parted ways and I regret letting it happen. I miss sleeping at her house and her and I just laughing at stupid things.

I miss her and I waiting until 12:01am on good friday so we can eat meat. I mess up everything in my life and even though people tell me I don't, I do. I'm the reason why my parents aren't together, my mom even said it. 'Once you were born he started to drink more.'.....I caused it? I guess I did. I'm the reason why there's a dent in my wall. No, it wasn't a t.v falling. ...It was me trying to get my arm cut so my mom would look at me over the month she disowned me.


So why should I even stay here. Why should I even think about things. I put on a fucking mask everyday for school, smiling and saying hi. I want to say "fuck you" to so many people but stop myself because I know I'll get yelled at by someone. I made someone sad by taking off that mask, and I have to keep it on to please others.

Why?

Well I've tried showing people what I am. It doesn't work. I can't SAY what I feel. I can't COMPLAIN about things. I can't SAY I'm in PAIN. Why?? Well I'm fucking tired of keeping it in, I'm saying it:



I'M TIRED OF HEARING THAT OTHER PEOPLE HAVE IT WORSE! WELL I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHAT YOUR PARENTS HAVE OR HOW YOU HIDE YOUR FEELINGS OR HOW YOU HAD A WORSE LIFE. HOW ABOUT SAYING 'WELL GEE, SAVANNAH IS SAD, HOW ABOUT I COMFORT HER???????" NO! NO ONE SITS AND COMFORTS ME, NO ONE! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS FUCKING MASK AND I WANT TO RIP IT OFF AND RIP EVERYTHING OFF. YOU ALL CAN HAVE BAD MOODS AND TAKE IT OUT ON PEOPLE AND ALL PEOPLE SAY IS 'WELL, SHE/HE HAD A BAD MORNING/DAY/NIGHT. YOU CAN'T GET MAD AT THEM..' YES I CAN! I CAN!!!! APOLOGIZE TO ME! APOLOGIZE! I HAVE TO! I HAVE TO SEE PEOPLE NOT TALK TO ME BEAUSE I WAS IN A BAD MOOD. WELL FUCK YOU IF IT IS BAD FOR ME TO BE IN A BAD MOOD OR SAD OR ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...why bother..


i have to put my mask on for tomorrow.

....and i doubt anyone will read this and think "well maybe we should talk to her about this".......


very much doubt it.